Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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