I haven't been this sober since birth.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
