Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Terrible idea I love it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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