She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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