i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
