she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
