At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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