OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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