Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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