I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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