Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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