My nipple is on Facebook.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize