O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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