if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When are your genitals available?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
