the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
