Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
