38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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