woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I believe in your delicious
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
