Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
