Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
