I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
