Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
