i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
