We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
