maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
