I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
