That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
we should paint friendship bongs
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
