how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
