Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
