i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
