ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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