He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
