And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize