I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
