youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize