I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
