grandma shit on top of the toilet
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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