He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
