hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
