Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
