I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
