If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
