Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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