Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
