Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She announced her abortion via fbk
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
