I think scott just propositioned me for sex
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Randomize
