yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
