I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
