Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize