I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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