Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize