Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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