Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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