As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
