Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
