just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
