I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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