He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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