there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize