so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
