I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
