So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
