I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
