i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
