Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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