I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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