he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
