Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm really busy with my period
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