:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
