I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
