I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
