I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
