I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
