I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize