just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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