THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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