just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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