I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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