Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
