wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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