My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
